To be honest, I never really took in that my mom was a single mother until I went off to university about 4 years ago. Was it because all my close friends and family were mostly comprised of single mothers? Was it because I never really asked questions and we never really talked about it? Or was it because my mom did a DAMN great job making sure that I never felt less than, even though I was missing half a family? To be honest...all of the above. It wasn't until I was put into a situation (university) where I was forced to be responsible for all my actions and really had time to self reflect.
Growing up it has always been my mom, my older brother, and myself. I also have an older sister, whose a lot older than me so she started her independent life well in my toddler years. I remember my Toronto days in the hood with my mom and brother surrounded by a million families that resembled my own, living the best we could. My mom would take us tobogganing in the winters, firework watching in the summers, and daily walks to the local markets down the street. I was enrolled in many after school programs that I can say aided in a great childhood, despite the violence in my area. We later moved to Brampton when I was 6 years old where my mother continued to make ends meet as a Registered Nurse. At the time, Brampton was a predominately white community and I was like 1 out of 5 black girls in my grade. Still, never felt less than. It's crazy because that same year we moved to Brampton, me and my mom got into our first car accident. Looking back now, this would be the moment when a lot of things changed. I saw my mom go from a passionate Registered Nurse who loved helping people, to an angry struggling black single mother of three. Money was always tight, she was and still is struggling with a lot of physical pain, and her overall attitude just sucked. Completely. But STILL...I continued to be enrolled in gymnastics, piano lessons, swimming lessons, dance classes, and the list goes on. I excelled in school and even became my elementary graduating class' valedictorian!
Everything my mom is and has been through has made me who I am today. She was my first spiritual teacher as I accompanied her EVERY Sunday to church. She made sure that I sat beside her at all times and focused on the lessons being taught. When I say this woman has FAITH...boy do I mean faith. When everything was looking it's worse in our lives, and we've had some really really low points, you'd never see her sweat. You know why? Because she knows who holds her future. My mother is a praying mother. I can't count how many times I've woken up in the middle of the night to see her in my room with her hand over my head literally praying down the storm. Me and my siblings always talk about times we know we would be in totally different situations, but our mother's prayer definitely was our saving grace. I feel like I get that passion for the Most High from my mother. Although we have different views on MANY things, we share that same love for God's grace and mercy that He so has granted on our family.
I met my father at the age of 16. I know. Super trippy. I can take this moment and go on a whole rant about "aint shit" fathers and yada yada yada...but that's not the point. If anything, that would just take away from my mother's hard ass work of 22 years. My father has literally never left Jamaica so my mom has really been by herself in this country trying to raise a black queen. It's weird because me and my mom don't really talk about guys lol. "Focus on your studies before you even try to look pon mon" is all I hear her say. I would say her lessons are more from her actions. My mom literally does not take shit from anyone ESPECIALLY no man. It's kind of like an unspoken strength my mom has passed on to me. My mom holds herself to high high regards no matter what her situation may look like, and that boujee-ness has definitely been inherited. She knows that I know the type of man that I need and she trusts my process in finding him. I even see parts of her in me when it comes to career choices. My mom did not let all the accidents and legal stress keep her down for long before she went for her diploma as a Social Service Worker. Seeing her cross that stage was one of my proudest moments. I'm literally tearing up writing this now lol. I got my degree in Psychology and me and my mom can talk for days about the system and how it effects us as a black community. She's also responsible for my love of makeup since she would bring me along to her Mary Kay consultant parties as a child. I'm also the chef I am today because of her. My mom can cook down the storm, even if it's just for one person.
Sometimes I meet girls who have both parents and I'm just like...WTF...you actually have a father figure and you're out here gwanning RECKLESS. Or I'll meet girls who are just like me with only a mother, but that's where our similarities end because they too are gwanning OUT OF ORDER. And in no way am I comparing my struggle to anyone else's, I'm just saying I'm grateful AF for who the Most High had saw fit to raise me. I always say "you are not your circumstances" and I live by that because my mother has raised me like that. Given everything that I have been through, I could have totally came out as a different woman. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or the lack of a father figure hasn't fucked me up completely (just slightly), I'm just saying that I refuse to live as a statistic. To think that my mother raised not one but THREE...BLACK...children in today's society without checking out...is nothing short of the power of God. My single mother is LOVE, RESILIENCE, FAITH, HOPE, and BEAUTY. If I could be half the woman she is, I'd feel the most blessed and to my future husband...just know you've won because I was raised single handedly by a black Queen ;) <3
